Methods of resolving conflicts
Family conflicts arise from differing values, goals and scarce resources. They are settled by consensus, accommodation or de facto decisions.
Why conflicts arise in families
- Different values and goals: a son wants a bike, his parents want to save for his studies.
- Scarce resources: one income, many wants.
- Generation gap: elders and young people see things differently.
- Role confusion: household tasks are not clearly shared, especially when both spouses work.
- Poor communication: wishes are not discussed openly.
- Different standards: one member wants a spotless house, another is relaxed about it.
Methods of resolving conflicts
| Method | How it works | Family example | Result |
|---|---|---|---|
| Consensus | Members discuss until everyone truly agrees on one choice | After hearing everyone, the family agrees on Kodaikanal for the holiday | Best: all are committed and satisfied |
| Accommodation by compromise | Each side gives up part of its wish and they meet in the middle | The son gets a second-hand bike and the family still saves part of the money | Workable; partial satisfaction for each |
| Accommodation by bargaining | One wish is traded for another | The daughter cooks on Sundays in return for choosing the weekend film | Fair when both sides gain |
| Accommodation by coercion | A powerful member forces the decision through authority | The father decides alone and the others must accept | Quick, but leaves resentment |
| De facto decision | No real decision is made; events or delay decide by default | The family keeps postponing a new fridge until the old one breaks, then buys whatever is in stock | Least satisfying; the family loses control |
Good practice at home
- Hold a family discussion where every member, including children and elders, is heard.
- Focus on the shared family goal, not on who wins.
- Collect facts before arguing, e.g. compare prices before quarrelling over a purchase.
- Take turns where possible: one member chooses this year's holiday, another next year's.
- Ask a trusted elder or a counsellor to mediate serious disputes.
- Aim for consensus; avoid coercion and drifting into de facto decisions.
Food often causes family conflict: one member needs a low-salt diet, the children want snacks. A dietitian helps the family reach consensus or a fair compromise, such as one shared low-salt curry with a little salt added at the table by others, instead of cooking two separate meals.
2 marks: “What is a de facto decision?” A decision that is not consciously made; events or delay decide by default, e.g. buying whatever fridge is in stock after the old one breaks.
5 marks: “What are the causes of conflict in a family?” Explain differing values and goals, scarce resources, generation gap, role confusion, poor communication and differing standards, with examples.
10 marks: “Explain the methods of resolving conflicts in a family.” Define conflict, give its causes briefly, then explain consensus, accommodation (compromise, bargaining, coercion) and de facto decisions with examples, ranked from best to worst.
C-A-D, from best to worst: Consensus (all agree), Accommodation (some give in), De facto (nobody decides, events do).